Copyright 2008 Arabtoo.com
Poetry
The teacher asked Abed...
Teacher: shou bta3ref ya Abed 3an sho3ara' (Poets) el jaheliyeh.
Abed: kelloun metoh ya estez. (They are all dead.)
Abu El Abed on a Bus
Abed: emmeh, lamma kenna bel bosta aneh wa abeh, awamneh ta y'a3ed mara
matra7heh.(When I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my
seat to a lady.)
EA: bravo 3laik ya 3abed daiman sma3 kelmet bayak. (That is nice, you should
always listen to your father.)
Abed: bas aneh kenet 'a3ed be7hodnoh. (But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.)
Cheque Bounces
The doctor's secretary called on Abu El Abed (AA) and said:
Secretary: reje3 le check taba3ak ya AA. (AA, Your cheque came back.)
AA : kamen reje3 waja3 me3dteh. (So did my stomach pain.)
Abu El Abed and the Chinese Girl
Abu El Abed (AA) is going in a bus to Tripoli. He looks at the girl sitting next to him and
says...
AA: ma7hsoubek AA, baddek ma twakhezneh, enteh sinieh sheh ? (Are you a Chinese
?)
Girl (Politely): la' ya AA aneh mesh sinieh. (No, I'm not Chinese.)
After a little while AA asks the girl,
AA: bayek sineh sheh ? (Is your father a Chinese ?)
Girl: la' bayeh mesh sineh. (No, my father is not a chinese)
After a while...
AA: Emmek sinieh sheh ? (Is your mother a Chinese ?)
Girl: la' emmeh mesh sinieh. (No, my mother is not a Chinese.)
After ten minutes...
AA: akkedeh enno ma fee 7hada sineh be3ayletkoun ? (Are you sure that you do not
have any Chinese in your family ?)
In exasperation, and in a final effort to shut AA up, the girl replies in high voice...
Girl : eh, ana sinieh ou bayeh sineh ou emmeh sinieh ou 3ailteh kelloun sinieh. Shou
baddak ba3ed ? (I am Chinese, my father is Chinese, my mother is Chinese and all
my family is chinese. What do you want more ?)
AA : ma tkouneh z3elteh. Bass ghareeb enno 3younek mesh metel 3youn el sinieh.
(Funny,.....you don't have eyes like the Chinese eyes.)
At the Casino
Abu El Abed (AA) and Abu Steif (AS) went to the Casino. AS walks up to a Coke machine
and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. AS looks amazed, he starts feeding the machine madly,
and the machine keeps popping out the drinks.
AA walks up behind AS and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and
asking if someone else could have a go.
AS spins around and shouts in AA's face: Mish shayef jayeh hazzi ?(Can't you see I'm
winning??)
Abu El Abed and Abu Steif Steal a Boat
Abu El Abed (AA) and Abu Steif (AS) went deep see fishing. They stole a little boat and went
in a few kilometres. AA started drinking and fell asleep.
AS: ya AA feek fatteh 3einak (get up), this boat is leaking and it will sink.
AA: let the boat sink. ma heyeh shakhtoura mesh la'lna (the boat is
not ours)
Abu El Abed Visits Abu Steif in Chicago
Abu El Abed (AA) visited his friend Abu Steif (AS) in Chicago. AS lived in a neighbourhood
with a high crime rate. He advised AA not to come fearing for his life.
On arrival he see his old friend Abu Steif (AS)...
AS: Sho ya Abu El Abed . Did you come here to die?' (read it with a bastawi accent)
AA: (in English) 'No I came yesterdie (bastawi)
Abu El Abed
Abu El Abed, having just moved to the States from the old country is greeted by his friend Abu
Stef who has insisted that he stay with him until Abu El Abed gets on his feet. That night, the
two men sat around the table trying to decide how to make a quick buck. Abu El Abed, with his
deep accented voice exclaims, "I got it, I will become a male entertainer!" Abu Stef looks at
him and says, "Are you sure friend? The men here are not like the ones back home." Abu El
Abed, confident in his abilities dismisses Abu Stef's warnings. "You'll see, it will work."
The next morning, Abu El Abed comes home to his still skeptical friend, Abu Stef and exclaims,
"Look, I told you it will work! In one night I made $450.05!!!" and he throws the money on the
table. Abu Stef looks in disbelief at the $450.05. "How was this possible?" he asks. "I'm good
at what I do!" conveys Abu El Abed. Looking a bit puzzled, Abu Stef asks Abu El Abed, "That's
great my friend, but who on earth paid you $.05???" Abu El Abed happily replies, "Well...every
single one of them of course!"
Abu El Abed in Court
Abu El Abed (AA) was to appear in court for a street fight. He was so upset because he
waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called, he stood
before the judge
Judge: t'ajalet el jalset la bokra
AA (Shouting): leih seedna ? (What for?)
Judge: khamseen alef gharamet le'annak ahant elma7hkameh, shefet leih ! ! ?
The judge, noticing AA checking his wallet...
Judge: mesh hal-la' btedfa3, ba3den.
AA: ma baddeh edfa3 halla' seedna, bass 3am fat-tesh eza ma3eh masareh kfeyeh
ta'ellak ba3ed kelemtain
Abed's Ancestors
Abed asked his mother
Abed : mazbout enno aneh asleh ered ?
Em El Abed: ma ba3ref, le'anneh mesh sheyfeh ahel bayak wala marra. (I don't know,
son, I never met your father's parents.)
Good news and Bad news
Abu El Abed (AA) answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
Doctor: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good
news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need
help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Abu El Abed: "My God. What's the good news?"
Doctor: "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Em El Abed Trying to Shoot Herself
Em El Abed is distraught because she fear that her husband Abu El Abed is having an affair,
so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find Abu El
Abed in bed with a beautiful lady. She grabs the gun and hold it to her own head. Abu El
Abed jumps out of bed, begging her not to shoot herself. Hysterically Em El Abed responds
"shut up" you are next.
Abu El Abed's Mobile Phone
Abu El Abed (AA) bought a mobile phone. While he was showing it off in ahwet le'zeiz the
phone rang. He answered it only to hear Em El Abed's (EA) voice on the other end.
AA: yeh, EA?!!!ma ma3'oul, keef 3refteh enneh haoun ? (EA?!!how did you know I
was here!?)
The teacher asked Abed...
Teacher: shou bta3ref ya Abed 3an sho3ara' (Poets) el jaheliyeh.
Abed: kelloun metoh ya estez. (They are all dead.)
Abu El Abed on a Bus
Abed: emmeh, lamma kenna bel bosta aneh wa abeh, awamneh ta y'a3ed mara
matra7heh.(When I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my
seat to a lady.)
EA: bravo 3laik ya 3abed daiman sma3 kelmet bayak. (That is nice, you should
always listen to your father.)
Abed: bas aneh kenet 'a3ed be7hodnoh. (But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.)
Cheque Bounces
The doctor's secretary called on Abu El Abed (AA) and said:
Secretary: reje3 le check taba3ak ya AA. (AA, Your cheque came back.)
AA : kamen reje3 waja3 me3dteh. (So did my stomach pain.)
Abu El Abed and the Chinese Girl
Abu El Abed (AA) is going in a bus to Tripoli. He looks at the girl sitting next to him and
says...
AA: ma7hsoubek AA, baddek ma twakhezneh, enteh sinieh sheh ? (Are you a Chinese
?)
Girl (Politely): la' ya AA aneh mesh sinieh. (No, I'm not Chinese.)
After a little while AA asks the girl,
AA: bayek sineh sheh ? (Is your father a Chinese ?)
Girl: la' bayeh mesh sineh. (No, my father is not a chinese)
After a while...
AA: Emmek sinieh sheh ? (Is your mother a Chinese ?)
Girl: la' emmeh mesh sinieh. (No, my mother is not a Chinese.)
After ten minutes...
AA: akkedeh enno ma fee 7hada sineh be3ayletkoun ? (Are you sure that you do not
have any Chinese in your family ?)
In exasperation, and in a final effort to shut AA up, the girl replies in high voice...
Girl : eh, ana sinieh ou bayeh sineh ou emmeh sinieh ou 3ailteh kelloun sinieh. Shou
baddak ba3ed ? (I am Chinese, my father is Chinese, my mother is Chinese and all
my family is chinese. What do you want more ?)
AA : ma tkouneh z3elteh. Bass ghareeb enno 3younek mesh metel 3youn el sinieh.
(Funny,.....you don't have eyes like the Chinese eyes.)
At the Casino
Abu El Abed (AA) and Abu Steif (AS) went to the Casino. AS walks up to a Coke machine
and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. AS looks amazed, he starts feeding the machine madly,
and the machine keeps popping out the drinks.
AA walks up behind AS and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and
asking if someone else could have a go.
AS spins around and shouts in AA's face: Mish shayef jayeh hazzi ?(Can't you see I'm
winning??)
Abu El Abed and Abu Steif Steal a Boat
Abu El Abed (AA) and Abu Steif (AS) went deep see fishing. They stole a little boat and went
in a few kilometres. AA started drinking and fell asleep.
AS: ya AA feek fatteh 3einak (get up), this boat is leaking and it will sink.
AA: let the boat sink. ma heyeh shakhtoura mesh la'lna (the boat is
not ours)
Abu El Abed Visits Abu Steif in Chicago
Abu El Abed (AA) visited his friend Abu Steif (AS) in Chicago. AS lived in a neighbourhood
with a high crime rate. He advised AA not to come fearing for his life.
On arrival he see his old friend Abu Steif (AS)...
AS: Sho ya Abu El Abed . Did you come here to die?' (read it with a bastawi accent)
AA: (in English) 'No I came yesterdie (bastawi)
Abu El Abed
Abu El Abed, having just moved to the States from the old country is greeted by his friend Abu
Stef who has insisted that he stay with him until Abu El Abed gets on his feet. That night, the
two men sat around the table trying to decide how to make a quick buck. Abu El Abed, with his
deep accented voice exclaims, "I got it, I will become a male entertainer!" Abu Stef looks at
him and says, "Are you sure friend? The men here are not like the ones back home." Abu El
Abed, confident in his abilities dismisses Abu Stef's warnings. "You'll see, it will work."
The next morning, Abu El Abed comes home to his still skeptical friend, Abu Stef and exclaims,
"Look, I told you it will work! In one night I made $450.05!!!" and he throws the money on the
table. Abu Stef looks in disbelief at the $450.05. "How was this possible?" he asks. "I'm good
at what I do!" conveys Abu El Abed. Looking a bit puzzled, Abu Stef asks Abu El Abed, "That's
great my friend, but who on earth paid you $.05???" Abu El Abed happily replies, "Well...every
single one of them of course!"
Abu El Abed in Court
Abu El Abed (AA) was to appear in court for a street fight. He was so upset because he
waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called, he stood
before the judge
Judge: t'ajalet el jalset la bokra
AA (Shouting): leih seedna ? (What for?)
Judge: khamseen alef gharamet le'annak ahant elma7hkameh, shefet leih ! ! ?
The judge, noticing AA checking his wallet...
Judge: mesh hal-la' btedfa3, ba3den.
AA: ma baddeh edfa3 halla' seedna, bass 3am fat-tesh eza ma3eh masareh kfeyeh
ta'ellak ba3ed kelemtain
Abed's Ancestors
Abed asked his mother
Abed : mazbout enno aneh asleh ered ?
Em El Abed: ma ba3ref, le'anneh mesh sheyfeh ahel bayak wala marra. (I don't know,
son, I never met your father's parents.)
Good news and Bad news
Abu El Abed (AA) answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
Doctor: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good
news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need
help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Abu El Abed: "My God. What's the good news?"
Doctor: "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Em El Abed Trying to Shoot Herself
Em El Abed is distraught because she fear that her husband Abu El Abed is having an affair,
so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find Abu El
Abed in bed with a beautiful lady. She grabs the gun and hold it to her own head. Abu El
Abed jumps out of bed, begging her not to shoot herself. Hysterically Em El Abed responds
"shut up" you are next.
Abu El Abed's Mobile Phone
Abu El Abed (AA) bought a mobile phone. While he was showing it off in ahwet le'zeiz the
phone rang. He answered it only to hear Em El Abed's (EA) voice on the other end.
AA: yeh, EA?!!!ma ma3'oul, keef 3refteh enneh haoun ? (EA?!!how did you know I
was here!?)
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